Narrative Content

xorex · Post by **xorex** » Thu Sep 04, 2003 11:47 am

I was curious what other people think about putting stuff (which I called narrative content because I couldn't think of a better short title) into room descriptions. What I mean is stuff that goes beyond the simple description of what is in the room. For example, perhaps there is some room on a plain with a few mounds in the middle of it and in the description it could say something like "Here lie the mounds of the ancient kings of the Rhoranacs, who once ruled this land with great prosperity until at last fading from this earth and the annals of its histories, leaving on these mounds behind." Mostly, I've tried to keep my room descriptions totally realistic and put as little beyond what is seen as possible, but I think touches like this can be pretty good.

In the interest of more discussion about area writing, does anyone else have any stylistic points?

Leiland · Post by **Leiland** » Thu Sep 04, 2003 11:53 am

Personally I'm all for narratives in room descriptions. It makes the whole area more story-like, more like you're reading a book (hopefully a good one) as you walk through it. I love muds because to me, they're interactive stories. I'm currently (well, kinda-sorta) working on an area based off of Dark Crystal. I'm getting there, really I am... But anyway, I don't think my area would work if there were no narration at all. Some if it I'm hiding in extras and on mobs and such, so that room descs can stay a bit more descriptive of surroundings, but if someone has never seen Dark Crystal and they get to the castle and find a Skeksis, they're going to want to know what that is, and why they're evil and all that. I would say, if the area is based off of a story (whether your own, or borrowed) it's kind of difficult to keep narration -out- of it.

Divebomb · Post by **Divebomb** » Thu Sep 04, 2003 1:03 pm

You can use narratives in the extra descriptions. Those who are interested will find them.

I have done narratives in styles of objects, room descrips, and extra descrips - Vessendil and Clanghammer are key examples of this. Third floor of the Chambers is also on a lower scale.

There is an entire tale of a war embedded in Vessendil and Clanghammer if you search for it.

Most people just want the cloak of levitation though

disaster · Post by **disaster** » Thu Sep 04, 2003 4:37 pm

i like narrative details, provided that they're done in an impersonal style. your example xorex is great, because it's still only refering to the room and the events of the past which led to the current state of the room. what i DON'T like is "when YOU walk into the room, YOU see the such-and-such, which screams a horrible shriek and attacks YOU." i find it not only much more effective to keep these descriptions impersonal, but also much more pleasant to read. "walking into the room, one is confronted by the such-and-such, which emits a horrible shreik as it leaps to the attack."

granted, neither of these are all that great, but the impersonal one is a lot better, so as long as the narrative details are done in an impersonal style i'm all for it.

Stars · Post by **Stars** » Fri Sep 05, 2003 12:05 am

Divebomb wrote:You can use narratives in the extra descriptions. Those who are interested will find them.

I have done narratives in styles of objects, room descrips, and extra descrips - Vessendil and Clanghammer are key examples of this. Third floor of the Chambers is also on a lower scale.

There is an entire tale of a war embedded in Vessendil and Clanghammer if you search for it.

Most people just want the cloak of levitation though

I have read a bit of it, Dive, and I appreciate your work. It's been a while, but I remember bits of the stories.

Likewise, I also try to tell a tale with my areas. Lag Central has a few interesting (to me, at least) stories in there. My next area (Cavin Inn) will be full to bursting with stories and puzzles related to those stories. When I am finally settled into the semester nicely, I will return to work on it. I've just been so busy lately

As far as writing descriptions in a narrative style, I'm all for it because the area is far more interesting and motivates me to absorb what I read more, rather than to just search for treasure.

Joysinger · Post by **Joysinger** » Fri Sep 05, 2003 6:44 am

*always tends to get the pesky ice-reaver*

i wouldn't mind those narrative descriptions xorex suggested to be written into room descrips. and i agree with leiland that i think they add athmosphere. however, usually those details (to me) would be more of something that one who is really interested would know/figure out. so i'd be more likely to put them into extra descrips. i love extra descrips! (who'd have guessed

)

Stars · Post by **Stars** » Fri Sep 05, 2003 8:25 am

Now that you put it that way, I have to agree with you, Joysinger. Better to have the fun stuff in extra-descriptions, which adds so much more depth to an area imo. Every room in my next areas will have extra descriptions. It requires a little more effort, but hopefully will be worth it to the adventurers exploring the deep dark places.

Brodgar · Post by **Brodgar** » Fri Sep 12, 2003 1:18 am

I think that narrative content is very important to an area, especially in room descriptions. When writing an area you are, after a fashion, storytelling and interweaving plot into the rooms helps keep your readers interested in the story.

Bits and pieces hinted across the area allow players to immerse themselves more deeply in the story. However, you aren't just telling a story, your painting a backdrop for the characters to create their own stories (Their adventures in the slaying of the dragon of Arrrrrhhh etc) so descriptions of what they see are also important.

I submit as an example a room from the area I am currently working on as an example of a good mix of narrative and descriptive content.

Into the Bogs

A lingering mist creeps over the floating sedge mats that skim the black
waters of the bog. Sailing on the backs of the grassy carpets, entangled
thickets of leatherleaf with their white, bell-shaped flowers merge with
the bluegreen leaves of sweet gale. Often used as a substitute for hops,
Gale Beer was a common drink sold in the local inns and taverns of Siberfur.
Salvor Lee Cavin was the first to discover the "medicinal" properties of
the sweet gale plant and was often seen exploring the bogs for other plants
and herbs to further his already expansive recipe collection of beers and ales.

Even more importantly, narrative content allows area builders to create an overarching plot and mythos for the realms that helps give a cohesion and flow to the areas. Stars and I are working on two separate areas, but by discussing plot and theme together, we are able to tie the storylines together. In doing so, both areas will be enhanced and the world that we are creating will feel more real.

-Brodgar

Stars · Post by **Stars** » Fri Sep 12, 2003 8:34 am

Brodgar wrote:Salvor Lee Cavin was the first to discover the "medicinal" properties of the sweet gale plant...

Ah, yes, Salvor Lee Cavin, proprietor of Cavin Inn, that transformed mine outside of Siberfur. Very nice description, Brodgar!

Just to be fair, this is a room description of my new area:
-------------------------
The Hotel Bar

The flickering candle flames of the lanterns have grown dim in this spacious room. The air is thick with the sweet smelling smoke of shenleaf pipes. (Shenleaf is a common weed in these parts of the mountains, but some varieties have been cultivated and dried to provide the rich sweet smoke that fills homes and taverns alike.) A long polished bar stretches across the northern wall, myriad bottles of liquor resting invitingly on a shelf behind. Although all the premium whiskeys and gins are represented here, the variety of quality ales is what draws customers, not only from Siberfur and the surrounding area, but also from around the entire Realms. Huge casks cover whatever space is left on the walls around the bar. The owner spends nearly all of his free time filling those barrels with some of the finest brews in the world.
There are a number of devices scattered throughout the room, which appear to be games of one sort or another. A few customers are leaning over a long green table covered with several heavy balls. Other people are throwing sharp projectiles towards a target across the room. Everywhere you look, people are smiling and laughing. That beer must be really good.

Extras:

darts target projectiles

The local people call this game “darts”. The object is simple enough; a player stands from a specified distance and throws a dart towards the target, aiming for a particular spot, usually the center (or bulls eye). There are different rules for different games, but they all require great skill…and at least some sobriety. More than one dart has been plucked from a sore tush.

pool billiards table green pooltable balls

Ah, yes, the age-old sport of billiards… It looks like there is a gambling match going on right now. Both players looked determined to the point of homicide. Perhaps it would be best to stay out of the way until they are finished.

bottles bar whiskey gin

The bar is made of a rich dark wood, polished until it shines. The long rows of bottles behind the bar range in size and color, and all look expensive, but there is something for everyone in here. Everything from Elvish sweet wine and aged cider to Black Death Whiskey adorns the shelf.

ale casks beer barrels

The scent of the Inn’s brewery can be smelled from miles around, even in the cold air of the mountains. There have been travelers who came to stay here, drawn merely by the intoxicating scent of Cavin’s Ales. There are so many varieties and recipes that no man could take a tiny sip of half of them without waking up the next morning wondering where they were and how they got there.
------------------------------------------
I also have exit descriptions, but I will not include those right now. I know I have a tendency to write a LOT. Do you think my room descriptions are too long? Should I shorten them?

Comatose · Post by **Comatose** » Fri Sep 12, 2003 8:39 am

I hate to be negative, but here we go. The room descriptions are wonderful, but when I walk into a room I don’t like the description to almost scroll off the screen. Yes, with newer apps like zmud that isn't as much of a problem, but when using basic telnet, and many still do, it is a real pain. I much prefer the ed than a really long room description. My opinion is that the room should have descriptions about what is in the room, but if someone wants to know more about a specific item then they will look at that item.

Stars · Post by **Stars** » Fri Sep 12, 2003 8:43 am

Believe it or not, that is what I try to do. I suppose I could take out the part about the shenleaf pipes, and put that into an extra description with the keyword "smoke". I could also take out all that about the beer drawing people to the inn.

Everybody · Post by **Everybody** » Fri Sep 12, 2003 9:24 am

If the line breaks are at the same point, that's only 12 lines, which should be fine for everyone. I don't get concerned until the room descs start hitting 17-20 lines.

disaster · Post by **disaster** » Fri Sep 12, 2003 5:14 pm

i think it's also important how MANY rooms have huge descriptions. i don't mind it when it's a very important room for the theme of the area, but if EVERY room has a desription around the 20 line limit or more, it gets annoying fairly quickly.

Brodgar · Post by **Brodgar** » Sat Sep 13, 2003 5:23 pm

Disaster wrote: i think it's also important how MANY rooms have huge descriptions. i don't mind it when it's a very important room for the theme of the area, but if EVERY room has a desription around the 20 line limit or more, it gets annoying fairly quickly.

I suppose it depends on how you define huge rooms. I don't think rooms that go beyond the line breaks are a good idea for the reasons already mentioned about telnet connections. However, I have no problem with large (10-14 lines) rooms and as a player I like the added detail.

From a builder perspective, it also makes it easier to hide things (extras etc) so puzzles and easter eggs stay hidden beyond the first day of the area being released.

I think the most important thing when it comes to line length is consistency. Faustus does an excellent job of this. A 12 line room should not be surrounded by three 4 line rooms. Part of good area writing is creating a consistent flow from room to room, and within the room. Odd breaks in lines, or huge jumps in room length are distracting and tend to distance the player from the game, like someone talking loudly behind you during a good movie scene.

The entire area doesn't need to be the same length, but it helps to transition if you have a large room coming up, 6 lines, 7, lines, 7 lines, 8 lines, 10 lines, 11 lines, 12 lines, 10 lines, 9 lines, 8 lines etc. I try to keep sections at least about the same length. Its not easy

Besides which, players who don't want the detail can always toggle brief and hack and slash to their hearts content.

-Brodgar