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Faustus and the legend of the Flaming Moon Cheese

"But why would you want to blow up the moon, Faustus? It is the symbol of all that is good in the world. The immortal symbol of love, of life, and of rebirth."

"Why shouldn’t I? It continually rebuffs my efforts. It is a constant reminder of my mortaldom. For that alone it deserves to die. Let my advancement to godhood be heralded by a rain of flaming moon cheese!"

"Ok, but as your friend, I feel it is my duty to tell you, you are completely insane!"

"Marc, Marc, you worry too much. I’m not insane. Perhaps I am eccentric, but that is how you must be if you ever want to become a god, and I WILL BE A GOD!!"

"Sure, sure, right after I do…but for now, it is your turn, roll the dice and let’s finish the game"

The two played for many hours, both winning and losing and in general having the kind of fun that only good friends can have. In the end they drank to their friendship and to Faustus’ quest for godhood. Marc retired to his hovel for the night while Faustus remained outside, gazing upon the new moon. Inwardly sure he would be a god before the moon was full, and if he had his way, it would never be full again.

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The next day Marc left for training. As a kender, he needed to constantly practice his backstab or he would forget how, kender’s not having the longest memories. Since it is hard to practice backstab by oneself, he needed to make an annual pilgrimage to the war torn areas south of Perelandra, where the victims were plentiful and no one objected to a few extra bodies. That night, once Marc was safely away, Faustus began the incantation, the ultimate spell, to give himself immortaldom. His birth cry would release the energy of all the lightning which has ever struck. This energy he planned to focus into the ultimate weapon, a weapon which he would only need use once. He would destroy the moon and in so doing, prove his powers and right to immortality.

All through the night he chanted, and the next day, in fact, he worked until the day before the full moon. Then the spell was complete. With a final grin, he unleashed the spell. Lightning cracked, thunder rolled, and through the realms, everyone heard a terrifying shout.

Faustus shrieked in pain, his body racked by the most powerful forces ever unleashed, and then with an evil grin, he looked upward and from his gaping mouth, shot a beam of pure energy. It rushed outward, blinding all who saw it, burning their shadows into the realms. The beam bore into the moon and with a terrifying flash, exploded.

As he had dreamed, Faustus’ immortality began with a rain of burning moon cheese. Marc had also been correct, mere minute before Faustus completed his spell, Marc had killed his one millionth demon and so been rewarded for his hard work by his own immortality. He was on his way to tell Faustus when he saw the flash and realized just what was happening. From then on, they were immortal friends, except for the occasional fight when Marc tried to backstab Faustus or Faustus tried to roundhouse Marc.

--AMystery, 3/6/1999

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webpage created by: tonyday   1999