Pants
Pants
Who's the genious that decided that it would be a good idea to incorperate cold metal bits on things that you put onto your body in the morning when the temperature of said metal bits is around 5 degrees Kelvin? And why did they think this was a good idea?
--Lairian
Here is a short list of why pants might exist...
1. When we come into the world bare-bottomed, what is the first thing that happens? Someone smacks you on your rosy cheeks, that's what! We spend the rest of our lives trying to protect our posteriors with things like pants.
2. Some people say that pants are easier to move around in, and you can ride horses and stuff, but I don't believe it. Pants were made just so some rich person could slap their name on a pair and force you to shell out your life savings in order to not look like a dork.
3.
5. Being a deprived and lecherous race, we made pants to replace dresses and robes in order to get a better look at the shapely contours of our buttocks.
6. In the case of corduroy pants, they were made to keep track of where everyone is in the dark. It's like when those mice put a bell on the cat so it couldn't sneak up on them.
7. Pants were made just so some idiot could make a list about why pants were made.
8. Personally, I don't wear pants, but if I did, they would be underpants. (Ok, so this doesn't explain why pants were made, but I had to say "underpants" at least once...ooo, twice!)
9. Pants, like all clothing, were made merely for the joy of taking them off again.
10. Pants were made so that when you try to do the splits in order to impress that cute girl in tae kwon do class and you tear a giant hole from zipper to pant cuff and suffer a severe groin strain and then struggle to your feet quivering in pain to smile at her as if nothing was wrong and she has pity on you and offers to help you to the doctor and on the way she catches the glint of moonlight in your tear-filled eyes and falls in love with you, ravishing you while driving down the street and you suddenly realize that it wasn't the cute girl who took you to the hospital, but some fat guy you never met before, and he only looked like her because of some pain-induced hallucination...*breathes*...it is at that moment that you thank heavens for the little metal bits that hold your pants together.
1. When we come into the world bare-bottomed, what is the first thing that happens? Someone smacks you on your rosy cheeks, that's what! We spend the rest of our lives trying to protect our posteriors with things like pants.
2. Some people say that pants are easier to move around in, and you can ride horses and stuff, but I don't believe it. Pants were made just so some rich person could slap their name on a pair and force you to shell out your life savings in order to not look like a dork.
3.
4. In the case of bell-bottoms, someone performed a satanic rite and designed them in order to appease the demon lord, Kazatharmat. (I made this up, actually. But it would explain a lot because bell-bottoms are ugly, just like Kazatharmat.)Kiri wrote:Pants are medieval torture devices, didn't you know?
5. Being a deprived and lecherous race, we made pants to replace dresses and robes in order to get a better look at the shapely contours of our buttocks.
6. In the case of corduroy pants, they were made to keep track of where everyone is in the dark. It's like when those mice put a bell on the cat so it couldn't sneak up on them.
7. Pants were made just so some idiot could make a list about why pants were made.
8. Personally, I don't wear pants, but if I did, they would be underpants. (Ok, so this doesn't explain why pants were made, but I had to say "underpants" at least once...ooo, twice!)
9. Pants, like all clothing, were made merely for the joy of taking them off again.
10. Pants were made so that when you try to do the splits in order to impress that cute girl in tae kwon do class and you tear a giant hole from zipper to pant cuff and suffer a severe groin strain and then struggle to your feet quivering in pain to smile at her as if nothing was wrong and she has pity on you and offers to help you to the doctor and on the way she catches the glint of moonlight in your tear-filled eyes and falls in love with you, ravishing you while driving down the street and you suddenly realize that it wasn't the cute girl who took you to the hospital, but some fat guy you never met before, and he only looked like her because of some pain-induced hallucination...*breathes*...it is at that moment that you thank heavens for the little metal bits that hold your pants together.
The stars brightly shine upon our world, a constant reminder of our origin. We are stars.
Why don't they come standard with steel plates and razor spikes then? Other than keeping the joy of sitting in other's laps.1. When we come into the world bare-bottomed, what is the first thing that happens? Someone smacks you on your rosy cheeks, that's what! We spend the rest of our lives trying to protect our posteriors with things like pants.
A designer dress will easily cost as much as 5 pairs of pants. If the companies really wanted to make money they'd get everyone to wear dresses and put two brand tags conveniantly at chest level to make sure they were seen.2. Some people say that pants are easier to move around in, and you can ride horses and stuff, but I don't believe it. Pants were made just so some rich person could slap their name on a pair and force you to shell out your life savings in order to not look like a dork.
This I can believe.Pants are medieval torture devices, didn't you know?
He may be ugly, but WOW can he throw a party.4. In the case of bell-bottoms, someone performed a satanic rite and designed them in order to appease the demon lord, Kazatharmat. (I made this up, actually. But it would explain a lot because bell-bottoms are ugly, just like Kazatharmat.)
Skirts are easier access.5. Being a deprived and lecherous race, we made pants to replace dresses and robes in order to get a better look at the shapely contours of our buttocks.
Well, why can't we all just wear little leather collars with bells? *innocent look*6. In the case of corduroy pants, they were made to keep track of where everyone is in the dark. It's like when those mice put a bell on the cat so it couldn't sneak up on them.
Lists about why pants were made were made by idiots to find out who the bigger idiots were by seeing who posted lists of why the initial lists had plot holes. I warn against trying to parse the grammar of that last sentence.7. Pants were made just so some idiot could make a list about why pants were made.
I warn against both. This will protect you from the evils of pants, and against the occasional pirate panty raid.8. Personally, I don't wear pants, but if I did, they would be underpants. (Ok, so this doesn't explain why pants were made, but I had to say "underpants" at least once...ooo, twice!)
But there's a very large industry devoted to making things that are made for taking off...and very seldom are pants in the catalog...9. Pants, like all clothing, were made merely for the joy of taking them off again.
Don't you just hate it when that happens? I can't TELL you how embarressed I was last time that...10. Pants were made so that when you try to do the splits in order to impress that cute girl in tae kwon do class and you tear a giant hole from zipper to pant cuff and suffer a severe groin strain and then struggle to your feet quivering in pain to smile at her as if nothing was wrong and she has pity on you and offers to help you to the doctor and on the way she catches the glint of moonlight in your tear-filled eyes and falls in love with you, ravishing you while driving down the street and you suddenly realize that it wasn't the cute girl who took you to the hospital, but some fat guy you never met before, and he only looked like her because of some pain-induced hallucination...*breathes*...it is at that moment that you thank heavens for the little metal bits that hold your pants together.
...
I mean, what are you talking about?
Don't worry, pants are like cameras; they add 10 pounds. If you don't belive me, drop some in a scale. ^-^i happen to like bell bottoms and i do look good in them! my uhm, weight has nothing to do with my pants. honestly.
--Lairian
I can't believe it
I can't believe I devoted a few minutes of my life that I will never get back to reading this collection of theories on pants. 
Pants were made so that we didn't have to invent hair styles for our body hair. Everyone knows that to be true!
Pants were made so that we didn't have to invent hair styles for our body hair. Everyone knows that to be true!
"If you have a right to someone else's approval, then they do not have a right to their own opinions and values." - Dr. Thomas Sowell
http://ws6.blogspot.com
http://ws6.blogspot.com
I promise that is not why I wear pants. I would love it if someone would smack my rosy cheeks. Not the ones on my face, those get slapped enough.Stars wrote:Here is a short list of why pants might exist...
1. When we come into the world bare-bottomed, what is the first thing that happens? Someone smacks you on your rosy cheeks, that's what! We spend the rest of our lives trying to protect our posteriors with things like pants.
